dead beat.

I hate that I can never be comfortable with what im shooting for school. and anything that i really want to shoot and would be comfortable showing, I cant get access to. It's either in another country, or highly illegal. well not highly, but many laws against it.


so i resort to the crappy conceptual stuff that im not good at. and then i end up hating myself and my work and getting down about it.

i love my school, but i really wish i could just have the freedom to travel and shoot what i want to. without any deadlines. i hate deadlines.

the one thing i want in this world is more time. more more more time. for everything.



Today is the first day i surprised myself with how i live.
i worked an 8 hour shift today - closed at 10 only to come here to school to do work until probably around 2.
so that makes me get home at 3/ 3:30.
then ill wake up at 7 to open at work at 9:30. and proceed to have work and class all day till 9. when ill then go out and shoot for social documentary which i have the next day at 12.
after that class and another class, ill start writing a midterm that was due two weeks ago at 6 probably into the wee hours of the morning only to have to wake up at 7 again the next day to go open at work again and have classes until 9 at night.



that makes me hate my life.
but its my own fault i guess. im a slacker to the 10th degree.

i need a break and i need christmas. and i need a slap across the face.

chris is probably the only thing that keeps me going these days.

(dont mind the shitty scan job.)